My Face Revealed I Completely Had No Clue

I typed it into a Teams group chat: if you're not confident in me, please abort me from the project.

Soon after, I was pulled into a quick discussion with 3 people who know this field far better than I do.

In 2 weeks, that project ends.

And so does my job.

How Did I End Up Back Here?

This is my 3rd time working with this company.

More than 10 years ago, I started with them in project management. It was a steep learning curve, and a good one. I learned to manage time, people, resources, and the expectations people had of me.

When that work ended, I went off to do my own thing.

Freelancing. Entrepreneurship.

Building something of my own.

After a long time away, I came back to the same position with 10+ years more experience behind me. You'd think the second round would be easier.

It wasn't.

What used to come naturally didn't anymore. I had to learn to work with people I didn't understand, people whose communication styles were different from mine. That experience taught me a lot.

When I left again due to the end of contract, it wasn't long before they brought me back for something else.

This time as a Senior Marketing Executive for round 3.

I knew how they worked, and my experience in other fields fed into the role.

As I was kept on a rolling contract, there were no bonus payouts and no commitment beyond the current project.

When the work ends, their obligation to me ends too.

I went in fully aware of that.

So Why Did This Round Feel Different?

The people.

This time, who I worked with made the difference. I genuinely enjoyed working with my Senior Marketing Manager, Justin.

We worked hard, we covered for each other, and when I said that I was super rusty getting back to media spending, he said “Haha I think nobody could tell”.

And that I did great modernising the processes with A.I.

Thanks Justin, it has really been enjoyable working with you for the past 9 months.

As the project wound down, I was reassigned me to a different position due to lack of resources.

I went in wanting to help.

It didn't take long to find out that this was much harder than I thought.

Why Did The Work Suck?

The tool was AEM, Adobe Experience Manager.

I'd touched it in my previous position, but only on a very superficial level. My understanding was sufficient for the work back then.

But for this project, it was a complex set up and a bespoke solution.

Our Senior Tech Engineer walked me through one of the tasks. He was patient. He was calm. He tried his best to make it make sense.

He finished explaining. He looked at me, waiting for me to respond, aaaaannd...

I kid you not, I gave him a face.

My face says "I have no idea what the heck you just said."

Because I didn't.

A task comes in. I read the brief. I understand the words, but I can't work out what's actually being asked of me.

So I try. I get it wrong. I get corrected. I try again.

Then the doubt comes.

Is this right? Did I miss something?

This isn't work I do regularly, so I never fully trust what I've produced.

I would be doing the work midway and then my brain goes “hey, did you remember to check that?” and I go back to check. Every time I do, it eats into the delivery timeline.

Another brief. Another round of confusion. Another round of second-guessing.

And the mistakes piled up. Which brings me back to that Teams message.

What Happened After I Hit Send?

In that quick discussion with the 3 of them, every mistake I'd made was laid out in detail and stated very clearly. The things I'd done well were swept under the rug.

I understand why. Mistakes scream louder than work that’s done right. And I shouldn't have been making that many.

The truth is, I did screw up.

I did well on some of the work, but my mistakes were enough to wipe out the effort I'd put into all of it.

I tried my best to figure things out on my own because they were all super busy but it ended with work with crucial mistakes.

The road to hell is paved with good intentions.

The gist of the Senior Tech Engineer's feedback was that I'm not suitable for this project, because of the client.

At first, honestly, I was a little annoyed.

But I respect him.

Everyone in the company knows he knows his work. The client knows exactly what she needs, and her grasp of tech is on par with his.

Watching a client handle every tech issue that came her way was genuinely impressive.

Having me on this project while I'm still figuring my way around, makes me feel like a ticking time bomb.

But they kept me on anyway.

They needed all the help they can get.

So How Does the Work Get Done?

With a middleman.

A colleague who is more experienced gets the explanation from the engineer first. Then he translates it for me.

With that set-up, the work gets done, and I'm still able to produce it.

Is it perfect? No. I still second-guess myself.

So What Now?

I have about 2 more weeks on this project as well as with the company.

1st thing I did was to update my family, letting them know I'd be out of work soon.

I believe all things work together for good for those who love God. I'm already seeing it.

People started looking out for me, recommending me for different opportunities.

The future is still uncertain, and I have no job security.

But… there's a seed of hope in me right now.

Time away from my own work has reminded me what matters.

I'm looking forward to creating content again, and to showing what I can do again.

My skills are also sharper and more up to date because of this job.

When I took the rolling contract, I knew that when the work ended, so would their commitment to me.

In 2 weeks, I step back into freelance.

Fully aware again.

Only this time, hopeful.

And back to #KeepTryingUntil

Update: Did the Work Get Done?

I’m writing this update before the post goes live, and the post only goes live after my last day. Confusing, I know haha.

I’m in my final week, still at the client’s place. But the pace I needed finally showed up.

My colleague understood the process first, so he simplified the instructions for me. I cross-checked his work and my own. When something was unclear, we talked it through between us, and if we were still unsure, we clarified it further.

Then we powered through almost 2,000 items to update.

Though the deadline was 7 Oct, Wednesday, we finished what we could on 2 Oct Friday before updating the client. About 10% is waiting on the client’s confirmation, and most of the work behind that 10% is already done too.

That’s why I have time to write this.

Though… I’m still a tad wary. The client could come back on Tuesday or Wednesday and tell us something isn’t up to par, and we’d be scrambling to fx it.

We tried to get ahead of that with progress updates and clarifications on some items but, still, I’m grateful we got a breather.

And I’m really looking forward to what comes next. On 12-13 Oct, right after I finish here, I’m attending “The Coaching Essentials” by the International Coaching Federation as a learner. I’ve been coaching others for a while, but I think i’ll help.