I Am Feeling Completely Defeated

Dear friends...

I am feeling completely defeated

As I write this, I lost something I've been working so hard on for the past few months.

2024 has been nothing but defeats

• ... stopped content creation because of burn out
• ... got into trading and lost money a lot of my savings
• ... sought business and no deals came to pass
• ... discussed several work opportunities and none worked out
• ... exercised to get stronger but strained/hurt myself
• ... tried to get help and got scammed financially
• ... income wise for the whole year was a low 4-figures, in total
• ... equipment at home broke down and there are new additional costs
• ... aging parents --- one has been laid off from work unfairly and another needs to take lesser work due to age
• ... therapist for my brother with stroke told me that they aren't seeing any progress and have swapped him to maintenance
• ... ongoing costs for my brother's therapy
• ... not contributing financially to family for God knows how long
• ... joined multiple paid events to build my network but didn't bear any fruits

I believe I'm smart, capable, I am loved.

I believe I can provide financially.

However, all things being equal, my financial report card has revealed that I am way behind on my promises.

For more than 2 decades at this point, I didn't hold a job.

I survived on entrepreneurial work, freelancing, gig work, coaching, training, tight money management, and being a dang good Jack of all Trades.

• ... stopped spending money to hang out when I didn't have to
• ... still gave to weddings and events when I'm invited to
• ... still supported those I love in ways I can

I get joy and fulfilment when I train others, when I serve with my talents, when I can control my time so I can be there for my family members when they need it.

And when I hear of others, students, friends, family, who have achieved some form of success in their life, I truly from the heart am happy for them.

Because I have been living through this state of financial non-progress for a really, really, really long time... believe me when I say I have no jealousy or envy when others are living well.

I truly am happy for others.

Then, when I look at my own progress... I have grown in many ways except my financial growth.

And I cannot help but feel defeat.

Being an entrepreneur, a friend, a brother, a son...

I cannot allow myself to fall

Above me there's the old

Below me there's the young

I will #KeepTryingUntil because I am one stubborn child of God.